In the name of love, Features decided to stop and interview, nay, interrogate, the local PDA-y couple. We can only hope that their answers console all those who are single this Valentine’s day.

FEATURES: “So, Couple, you guys seem pretty serious. How long have you been dating?”

COUPLE (in unison): “Wow, it feels like just yesterday, but it’s been a while! Wow, what’s the count now? 212 days and four hours?”

COUPLE (in unison): “Yeah that’s it!”

FEETERS: “Wow, that’s pretty precise. Have you had any tough times?”

BOY: “No”

GIRL: “Weeelllll….”


COUPLE (in unison again): “No, not one.”


COUPLE (after a brief pause): “That isn’t a question.”

FEATURES: “So, what do your friends think about you guys dating?”

COUPLE (arms sneaking into arms): “Well, at first, they got really excited because we were just an awkward set-up at first. You know, just something to talk about when Instagram got dull! But then, as we [giggling] got closer [continued giggling], they got annoyed. Now I guess they got over it!”

FEECHURS: “That sounds like a pretty radical shift. Why don’t they care anymore? What changed?”

COUPLE (with raised eyebrows): “Wow, that’s actually a good question, Features. I guess we just sort of drifted apart?”

FEATURES: “Do you mean physically or literally?”

COUPLE: “Maybe both? What does that mean?”

FEATURES: “Do you guys still have friends here?”

COUPLE (unison): “Of course.”

FEATURES: “List 3.”

COUPLE (unison): “Becky Sykes.”

FEATURES: “She left.”

COUPLE: “Oh...”