Google+

Browse features

Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 27, 2014
Features: So, Pita and Peeta. We have to say, you two sure make one interesting duo! The baker’s boy and the pastry... it, much like Angels and Angel cake or Milk and Cookies, is a clearly a match made in heaven. Pita: Thanks for the support, Features, it means a lot. That being said, I’m actually not exactly a pastry. Features: Of course, of course, my mistake. What made you two want to run together? Pita: Well, Peeta and I are actually quite close. We’re like two chickpeas in a pod...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 27, 2014
Dory: Hey guys! Dory and Patrick here. Our goal is Finding Nemo! Oh wait, no what was it? The Presidency! Patrick: Hey, Thpongebob! Dory: So, you may be wondering what our platform is. Good wondering! Well, our slogan is for all you Uppers out there—Just Keep Swimming! Patrick: And don’t say it’s a stupid slogan, because that’s also dumb. Dory: Right! Was I supposed to say that? Wait, what are we talking about? Patrick: Crabby patties? Dory: Yes! I love those! Wait, does...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 27, 2014
Features: So why do you guys want to be Co-Presidents? Paul Murphy: Well that one’s a sNOw brainer! We’re easily the most qualified pair. Features: You make a good point. Any other reasons to elect you? Eddie Murphy: Well, if you’ve read out platform you’ll perhapS kNOW that we’re offering free parfait every Saturday morning in Susie’s. Features: Wait a second, isn’t Susie’s closed then? Eddie Murphy: There’s sNOw denying it! But everyone loves parfait! Features: Tru. Paul...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 27, 2014
Hello from San Diego! Ron Burgundy here, and let me tell you the numerous reasons why you should vote for me One: My cologne. Two: My hair. Three: My jazz flute. Four: My hair. Oh wait, what is that? Did I casually mention my luscious hair again? Silly me, but it is looking pretty good. I mean, don’t act like you’re not impressed. No, please, I’m going to blush—no, your hair is as voluptuous as Odin’s beard, too! But seriously, stop interrupting and let me continue. Five: My dog Baxter’s...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 27, 2014
Spoiler alert: before you finish reading this article, you will have decided to vote for us. That being said, hold your overexcited mouse before you click our names on the ballot: this. is. not. a. real. campaign. We know that this may come as a shock, but the truth is that we, the king and queen of Featuresland, feel no need to run for the Co-Presidency. Why, you may ask, would an ideal pair not appease our followers and assume “official” control of the school? Because, to put it simply,...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 20, 2014
The MulletFun fact: 83.4 percent of students are attracted to mullets. The remaining 16.6 percent? They already have mullets. In the spirit of the approaching Blue and Silver formal, we here at Fogue could not advocate the mullet more enthusiastically.One of the mullet’s main benefits is that, unlike many other hairstyles, it is a perfect ’do for the average school day. The teacher sees only your serious front in class, but you can make a sure bet that when you stand up to get a drink in...
Alisa Bhakta    Thursday, February 20, 2014
Over the past week, the SLAM team has decided to step up its game in a more literal way. They know they can pump up a crowd with their beats, but now they are trying something new: they are becoming a Beat Generation. Team Captain, Elizabethan Sonnet ’14, wanted to test if words do truly speak louder than actions. So last week, she made an executive decision to trade in the team’s stomping shoes for some really fierce stationery paper. After a whole week of hard training, the new and improved...
Miles Neumann    Thursday, February 20, 2014
The snow falls across the desolate landscape of West Quad East. The wind blows, chilling the skin of students as they walk along the path. They slip and slide on the ice while many onlookers stand inside Common taking pleasure (and Snapchats) of the cold students’ humiliating diggers. Then, lo and behold, out from the doors of the library walks a large, long, yellow fruit: the beloved banana. After closer inspection, it becomes apparent that this life-sized banana has not only legs, but also...
Jake Marrus    Thursday, February 13, 2014
It’s 10:20 a.m. on Monday. Peter Fection heads to his first class of the day. That’s right, Peter has first free, second lunch. His classes include Lighting, Costuming, etc. That’s right, his transcript reads “etc.” as his final three classes. After leaving his three-room single, which has its own bathroom, fridge and microwave, Fection is met at the door of his class by his smiling girlfriend who is bearing some homemade banana bread, his books and his homework. Oh, by the way, she’s a day...
Alisa Bhakta    Thursday, February 13, 2014
Dez Parrot ’15 has mostly kept to himself since he came to Andover as a new Upper. His shy personality and unusually loud voice have made it hard for him to make many friends. His proctors frequently urged him to get out, going so far as to put him on “anti-restriction.” Still, Parrot enjoyed the life of a hermit—that is, until he first saw the girl of his dreams, Sweet Pea ’15. Parrot knew they could be two peas in a pod and quickly jockeyed for her affection and attention. After several...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 13, 2014
In the name of love, Features decided to stop and interview, nay, interrogate, the local PDA-y couple. We can only hope that their answers console all those who are single this Valentine’s day. FEATURES: “So, Couple, you guys seem pretty serious. How long have you been dating?” COUPLE (in unison): “Wow, it feels like just yesterday, but it’s been a while! Wow, what’s the count now? 212 days and four hours?” COUPLE (in unison): “Yeah that’s it!” FEETERS: “Wow, that’s pretty...
Phillipian Features Staff CXXXVII    Thursday, February 13, 2014
While today is a day to celebrate love and happiness, we must also remember the hallowed dead. Those who have given so much to us that we might enjoy our lives to a fuller extent cannot be forgotten. Indeed, dear reader, we must honor and sanctify the memory of the dearly departed “Flappy Bird,” the smash-hit mobile video game that glided off the App Store just a few short days ago. Let us remember how it touched our lives, those countless hours we spent tapping our iPads and Motorola Inspirons...

Pages