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Phillipian Features Editors CXXXIV    Thursday, April 28, 2011
10. At gunpoint. 9. Train your gaggle of geese to fly in “Prom” formation. 8. Text them. Face-to-face is overrated. 7. Email them while on a roof using brand new PA WIFI. It should be here any day now! Right? 6. Ask them telepathically. If they’re smart, they’ll figure out that you’re going together. 5. Like making bad decisions? Come to prom with me and you won’t never regret it. 4. Ask Jenny to ask Eric to ask Jamal to tell their friend to ask...
Colton Dempsey    Sunday, April 10, 2011
A minority group in the Phillips Academy student body has boycotted and protested a time-old tradition: Blue Key Head auditions. Apparently the painted fools that run, jump, dance and sing around Commons every spring are a source of serious mental anguish for the resident Smurf community. The Smurf population at Phillips Academy is commonly overlooked by most Andover students and Faculty. After the notorious trampling incident of 1986, the Smurfs were moved to their own residential area in...
Chris Hedley    Sunday, April 10, 2011
Earlier this week, high-speed horror shook the Phillips Academy community when several speeding faculty children crashed their mini vehicles into one another. The pileup was one of the greatest catastrophes ever witnessed on the playground next to Commons and involved four miniature cars, a miniature motorcycle and a miniature 18-wheeler. Emergency responses took longer than expected due to the fact that Joey, a four-year-old witness to the tragic accident, had left his toy ambulance back in...
Jesse Bielasiak and Ryan Yost    Sunday, April 10, 2011
Spring is here (technically): March 21 has come and gone, yet the cold weather of winter remains. This fact, however, has not deterred students from wearing the pastel shorts, boat shoes and sun dresses typical of warmer climates. “Flip-flops plus two feet of snow may seem stupid, but spring is spring, you know? Freezing rain is not going to keep me and my bros from playing disc and sunbathing on the Great Lawn. I may be freezing, but my mids make sure that my ankles are always toasty,”...
Hemang Kaul and Pearson Goodman    Sunday, April 10, 2011
Due to a recent realization that an overwhelming number of students are taking Independent Projects (IPs), the school’s administration is questioning whether or not to crack down on the ones they find pointless and inappropriate. The school became aware of widespread ridiculous IPs when the Department of Psychology notified them of one called “Dream Exploration.” The project consists of students lying down on a soft surface and entering a semi-unconscious dream state (which in some circles...
Features Editors CXXXIV    Sunday, April 10, 2011
10. Check Facebook. Check email. Repeat 9. Fifa, COD, Age of Empires. Pick your poison. 8. Go to the library. Get distracted by so called “friends.” 7. Get fed up and go to basement to work alone. See #10. 6. Get fed up and close your computer. Just you and your books. Stare blankly at wall. 5. Bring computer to great lawn. Experience “glare.” Curse Mac screens. Stare blankly at sky. 4. You’ve been selfish. Call your parents. You’re a good...

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