Google+

Browse features

Mikaela Rabb: Cluster Soccer All-star    Thursday, September 19, 2013
In preparation for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, each country has sent their supposedly “developing” players to training camp at no other place than Andover. The short-fielded, six v. six practices will improve players’ accuracy, condition them for sprints and, most importantly, fuel their competitive spirits as they compete for the coveted Cluster Cup, which will function as a mock World Cup. Players have been separated from their countries and placed in supposedly unbiased teams. True die...
Sophia Lloyd-Thomas: Varsity Flex Fit Do-er    Thursday, September 19, 2013
Cross Country recruit Ron Ehr ’17 laced up the newest of his numerous new pairs of new New Balance sneakers for the first time Monday afternoon, expecting to get some good use out of them at the first practice of the year. To his surprise (and to the relief of all the still sane kids on the team who, despite the reputation the sport seems to have, still abhor running), Ehr didn’t need to use his New Balances. Instead, he ended up discussing how the U.S. should properly use its system of...
Ellie Simon: Child, Laborer    Thursday, September 19, 2013
Last Tuesday, Phillips Academy was forced to eradicate its spinning program when the extracurricular sport was discovered to have broken child labor laws. Although most of the enthusiastic students were attempting to partake in the popular sport of stationary cycling, in reality the program was using students to sew all of the Andover apparel on campus without pay. An investigation led by the Chief Labor Law Enforcer on campus, Winee Dell, revealed a patchwork of sweatshops interwoven...
Jack Shumway And Billy Casagrande: Seeking Shum One To Love    Thursday, September 19, 2013
A recent poll at Andover showed a growing concern for the overall safety of the school. What is the cause for this anxiety? Many suspect that the growing number of Upper East Side New Yorkers reverting to their urban instincts and signing up for Instructional “Crew” are to blame. Unbeknownst to most Andover students, the true purpose of Instructional Crew is not to learn how to row a boat down a river (that would be stupid!), but to select students worthy of joining a “crew” like the Cool...
Rob Irvin: Huge Paul Simon Fan    Thursday, September 19, 2013
For years, students have been stuck in the same old rat race, doing racing sports like track, cross country, cycling and swimming. Recently, however, the tide has stopped flowing, turned about and begun to ebb. Students are slowly at first, though with a constant acceleration regardless of their weight, starting to slide out of this rut into the newest, alternative sports fad. Sliding has skyrocketed to the top of the “closed sports” list and is now far and away Andover’s most popular...
Henrietta O’flahrety: A Concerned Freshman    Thursday, September 19, 2013
As you all know, sports are an essential aspect of the Andover curriculum to keep students well-rounded and to keep students from getting well rounded. That being said, some of the more historically significant sports that Andover has to offer just aren’t making the cut anymore. The school has decided to divest from these sports in order to put more money into the Fossil Club (As it turns out, golf, croquet and bridge will, along with their players, soon become Fossil Club members anyway). We...
Callum Slater: Call ’em Later    Thursday, September 19, 2013
Last Friday, the most popular, competitive and estranged sport returned to campus. To Juniors who lack Andover experience, fencing is the sport of princes. However, it is not the sport of sword fighting you’d expect, but rather the sport, nay, the lifestyle, of building fences. Originally started when Samuel Phillips needed a way to keep his uncle from stealing more of his ideas, he built a fence to keep him out. Uncle John of Exeter quickly countered with a fence that was exactly the same,...
Features Staff    Thursday, September 12, 2013
Greetings Phillips Academy!! We have horrible news for you in this first edition of The Phillipian. However, you mustn’t shoot the messenger. It has come to our attention that one Paul D. Murphy has opened an umbrella inside. Yes, Mr. Murphy, Dean of Students and Residential Life, will now receive years of bad luck. As he is in charge of the whole student body, that bad luck will now befall us as well on this fateful Friday the 13th. The school is taking precautions, so get ready....
Ellie Simon    Thursday, September 12, 2013
Many students were blown away when Ryan McStudent ’17 returned to campus claiming to have had a “good” summer. While many of his peers responded to the textbook conversation-starter with personalized adjectives like “cool,” “fun” or “too short,” McStudent forwent a novel reply using only the chic and youthful phrase: “good.” “‘Cool’ is such simple and pure word, ya know? It’s just the perfect way to sum up the summer without offering too much information,” admits Connie Formist ’16, a...
Ellie Simon    Thursday, September 12, 2013
Recently, the Andover campus was on alert after a gaggle of Juniors disappeared while on a wild goose hunt to find Susie’s Snack Emporium. The team was officially noted missing for 17 hours, although teachers admit that they may have been gone for longer without anyone realizing or, for that matter, caring. This grisly situation originated from a misunderstanding between the Juniors and a Senior Blue Key. When the Junior asked for advice on how to spend their break in their orientation...
Rob Irvin    Thursday, September 12, 2013
For all new students to Phillips Academy, the week of orientation is full of fun, though it is also admittedly intimidating. Blue Keys play an essential role in this process, making sure all new students get oriented on campus and feel ready to start the school year. Unfortunately, not all Blue Keys do a good job getting their kids prepared. One of this year’s Blue Keys and serious etymology student, Amelia B. Delia ’14, actually left her motley crew of incoming students more confused than...
Rob Irvin    Thursday, September 12, 2013
After much prayer, sacrifice and a few voodoo rituals, Andover students have been rewarded with over 200 packages of newly-arrived frosh meat, finally satisfying the cravings of the Andover community. For the past few months, the community has been in the midst of one of the worst famines in over a decade. Frosh meat storage units Nathan Hale and Rockwell had run dry. The only meat in storage was one, two or even three years old. Every emaciated Andover student agreed that the hunger was...

Pages